This week was the first time I questioned my decision to continue graduate school. I never doubted my future career, but I most definitely doubted my abilities to complete 50-55 hours of work and school work each week, my abilities to stay on top of all group projects, posts, and readings, my abilities to stay energized after a long day and to come home to more work.
And to say this is strange may sound cocky, but I have always been the girl on top of academics. I was that nerdy girl who feared a B and would do anything to get the highest possible A. Now, I am still that girl but with a lot less time.
And it’s hard.
As I sat one day looking at my to-do list, wondering how on earth I convinced myself to pursue a Masters Degree, I felt overwhelmed and defeated.
Yet something still felt so right.
I admit that I have questioned my pursuits, yet for some reason, I have no doubt that this is what I am supposed to do.
I am learning, and I am also approaching.
You see, I am learning that time is valuable. Those ten minutes that I arrive early to work will not be spent looking at my phone, but instead I will be spent reading research articles for class. When I want to sleep in twenty extra minutes, that is equivalent to a completed quiz, and boy, do I not have time to miss that.
You see, I am learning to be efficient in everything I do.
And I am learning to love: I am loving my job. I am loving my curriculum. I am loving the fact that God placed me in this field with such special and loving people. I am loving the friends I have met along the way, and I am loving the encouragement I have received from some family and friends.
I am also approaching.
I’m approaching the career I know I need. I am approaching the peak at which I cannot complete everything with my own time and strength but need to rely on God.
It’s scary and hard, but it’s also reviving.
With God, everything is possible.
And right now, if it weren’t for Him and my faith, I may have walked off the path I am taking.
Yet with God, I am secure and strong. I am fighting with courage and hoping for the best. And that is exactly what He will provide.